I left my role on April 14th 2016 because of all the struggles and problems that have build up till now since past 4-5 years. Now I have reached a state where it's unbearable, i have been restricted to fulfil my dreams and have not been allowed to take responsibility and stay in peace and I feel I am a burden to all.
Things seems so well and alright in front but behind its all a chaos and I can't live my life like this , showing all bright side but inside I feel incapable and unworthy of the name , I have made this choice as the last resort and I had tried every possibilities to avoids this choice but now I am tired of all these problems repeating and them using the same excuse over and over again ! I doubt you all will understand my choice but I hope you do !
Please don't come looking for me now even though you know where I am nor be worried of me I will and can take care of myself , Those who believed in me still I am sorry for doing this but I had no choice.
I am not a monk anymore . I just want to study and fulfil my wish even though it's hard still I will try and do it !
④.我已不再是僧侣了。我只想学习并且实现自己的梦想，虽然这很困难，但我会努力！
HH Karmapa and situ Rinpoche is always in my mind and some of you know what I went through so please tell him all the things I told you ! And please tell HH that I don't deserve to see him anymore cause of my state and behaviour and please assure him that I always felt his deep love and care to me but because of me this unworthy disciple everything that happened is cause of me!
If I stay on and go on meeting you all and meeting others it will create more pain and problems and sadness. Also about the court case please continue with it cause all the problems came with the name and responsibility I had. Now I am just living a normal life and will study so please just clear this matter I don't care how many years it takes cause I have no desire to go out anytime now and I will keep in touch with whoever wants to !
Those who thinks their image and dignity in public would be ruined because my decision are the one who is truly self-centred and selfish. Rather than accusing me you should look out to the problems and dig out what circumstances made me leave.
I have made my decision now I don't and can't be a monk anymore and I wanna be left alone and if you really do care and love me then please leave me alone and don't come looking for me for this time it will be a different outcome if you do !
Good bye and be well ! I know it hurts and some may be angry at me and I am sorry but I too have been suffering a lot and to release some pain I have hurt myself by burning my arm and also had thoughts of killing my self so I know pain and don't want to create more pain to you all nor me so please give me peace and those in the labrang who troubled me and was root of my trouble can have peace cause I am gone !
With a difficult heart I have chosen a different life style and will study and pursue my dreams of becoming a doctor ! How long will you all hide this ?
Stick and stone may break my bone but words will rip my heart apart ! And it has ripped my heart apart with all the harsh words I had to keep I heart for all these years !
发表于 2019-12-28 08:03
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